HEART OF A LION – for my Brother.

We went through some crazy shit growing up, half of it we got ourselves into, half of it we didn’t have a choice. I look back and I honestly wonder how we both survived – especially after you set my leg on fire at that party, and also stabbed me with the fork when we were 7-9 camping… and when you poured 1kg of ground coffee on me when I was 3 years old… you asshole.

It is never easy seeing someone in your family come to harm. I have the hardest time explaining it to people when they ask me where you are, or why you haven’t replied to them in almost a month. I know you never read my writing anyway, brother; but if you ever catch yourself changing your ways and taking the time to read this, know that I love you and I am always here.
I wrote a poem about us growing up when I found out what had happened. When  I spoke to mum on the phone, I didn’t know what to say and to tell the truth because I was angry at everyone involved and besides that, I didn’t know how to react at the time (I was busy moving internationally… not a great excuse I am sorry). I remember the phone conversation we had before everything went haywire on you. I am sorry I wasn’t there more; and in my few moments that I keep to be alone before I fall asleep, I think about you and hope you’re getting better. I am not writing this for people who follow me now, I am not writing it for the attention it may bring; I simply don’t know where else to put it and the only way I relate to this existence is by painstakingly creatively expressing myself now. They say “a photo speaks a thousand words” but I have more than a thousand for you. I know you looked up to me because I always had people around me in the blur of our lives growing up, and maybe because of that, I seemed happier in your eyes – even though I was not – or possibly even more successful? or maybe even popular? or some stupid ideal society thinks matters even when it really doesn’t? I am unsure why, but I knew you did even though you never admitted it.

It may have seemed like I was the one leading the way at the time, even though I was copying you. We had a great time together when we both got out of our old neighbourhood – like when we would joke that I was the bigger younger brother, when we used to walk early in the morning through the city streets to get a coffee before everyone else woke up, way back when you had that semi-decent apartment in the middle of the city, with that weird trash pit that leads to the skylight – the one with the elevator that smelt like Asian food and alcohol. I remember when we used to go out for drinks with the girls, we would stand to face the corner of the elevator, and when strangers would walk in, we would proceed to make loud/uncomfortable noises that were similar to a dog howling at someone playing the clarinet. They would look so concerned at us, as if we were crazy at the time – because we were and still are I presume – those were good times, I always look back at those times as some of the best parts of my life mainly because I felt awesome that YOU, wanted to spend time with ME.

The point I am trying to make is – I was the one who looked up to YOU, not the other way around. Even if you were not always as successful as I was at the time with your endeavours, you never gave up on our friendship or on me – even when we stopped hanging out with everyone, even when I stopped drinking and partying, even when we would disagree or I would tell your girlfriend to shut up for being rude… you never gave up on me and that’s why I never gave up in life. I miss you man, that’s all I have to say.

I know people will read this and not understand, that is okay – today it is not about me or them or fame, it is simply about that fact I don’t know how else to tell you that I appreciated you even when you didn’t appreciate yourself. I always had your back and if I was there those nights it would’ve been different and I am sorry for not being there for you when you needed me. I am sorry I left and I know it made you feel so alone because I too felt alone leaving you behind. I used to tell myself that the next time I saw you we’d get a beer and laugh about it, maybe even have our lives finally sorted out, maybe have girlfriends who got along, maybe have good friends who were there for you and I, maybe our families would be happy and safe, that you and I could sit together as men of men, who lived for themselves and the ones they loved just as a man should.

Don’t forget: we both knew you were a better man than I was, and because of that, that is the only reason I am the man I am today.

Thank you brother.

“THICK AS THIEVES”

thick as thieves,
quick as light,
through the darkness
and the night;

while water runs,
blood remains,
brothers never leave
your veins!

– a poem by Oscar J. Wood to his brother Max Mackenzie Marmo

Accompanied by a few photos from Amsterdam, I hope you enjoy the photos too!

PROCESS

INFORMATION

LAST

BREAKER

links to past post.

https://vvolfwood.com/2017/11/02/aint-no-place-for-no-hero/

AIN’T NO PLACE FOR NO HERO?

Ain’t no place for no hero?

Well, I eventually realized; we either decide to become or are forced at a point in time to become our own hero.

It’s not the movies kid, no one is going to save you… I am sorry to break it to you. Only we can truly save ourselves. I know I can be a cynic from time to time but this has nothing to do with it. You need to realize in order to survive, you have to be the salvation you may be waiting for; You can sit, wait, beg or cower for all I care… well guess what? no one is coming. I am not saying this to cripple you with fear, its quite the opposite – I am saying this in the hopes to make you stronger, gripping at the idea that some may find freedom and inspiration within this blunt message.

Find freedom in knowing it is up to you, we all hold the power because you’re stronger than you will ever imagine. Now find beauty and freedom within this message, draw deeply from the well of strength hidden within the spirit and become your own hero despite adversity – whatever the outcome.

While doing this, do not disregard the people who truly support us. There are few people in life I rarely rely on, seek guidance from, learn from… To those people, you know who you are to me and what you mean to me, for that… Thank you.

Ain’t no place for no hero? then there definitely ain’t no place for a coward.

With love,

OJW.

AIN’T NO HERO

WALKER

STOPPER

WANDERER

SILENT

POWER

 

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BLACK & WHITE COLLECT.

At times, I struggle to see the point of it all. Why we carry so much weight, unnecessary burdens, hide things that shouldn’t be hidden, show things that shouldn’t be shown. I don’t feel the heavy loneliness I used to as a child, a teenager and even as an adult… When I slowly gazed upon the man I have become, I am reminded to try to be here more, be conscious in the moment, rather than in another memory or looking too far forward. I know I’ll never truly “fit in” anywhere, so… Am I to wander? or were you the home I wanted all along?

I know what you might be thinking “oh how cynical of him” or “oh how dramatic” – well I’ll have you know, that while I am still young, it is not a reason to excuse the pain I have felt, it does not make our pain any less important because a great amount can happen in 24 years of living.  I was never here for attention, I was never here for love. I am just a simpler soul who cares for taking great photographs for others to enjoy. while I write, the quote by Aristotle about purpose in life echoes in my mind.

I am not expecting forgiveness for the things I have done, I am not seeking redemption in the eyes of others, I am only seeking redemption in my own heart. I found something more in you, more important to most than redemption, I found a home.

I only regret, not spending more time with you before I had to leave again.

sincerely,

OJW

PAINLESS

JUNKER

MESS

FALL

TOWERING

EXTEND

HEAVY-HANDED

SOFTNESS

BANKED

HOME

WANDERER

HIDDEN

DELICATE

Canada was same same but different different.

some shots from my short short time there.

COLOUR IN

BLACK OUT

BEACON

CIVILISED

PONY BOY

METRIC

ASH

BLUE

 

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COLOUR IN

SHADOW

Think of the person in your life that is holding you back the most, the person you dislike, the person who puts you down, the person that even when you’re already down they kick you again, think of the person who told you “YOU CAN’T DO IT!” now I want you to keep thinking of that person in your mind… and then forget about them –  because the only person holding YOU back is the same motherf@#ker that is staring you back in the mirror every day when you wake up.

The process, happens in the shadows, in the DARK dark – anyone in the golden light of victory that is doing what they love is only there because they worked hard in the darkness when nobody is watching what do you really do? There are talented people and there are skilled people, both can be just as successful as the other; just one has to work a little harder for it.

 

OJW.

 

POLAR

SHADOW

MATTER

ENERGY

DIAMOND

SHELL YEAH

mon petite fleur

TRANSLUCENT

ZEN

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DARK ROADS.

Robert Frost once said “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on

I agree; because achieving inner peace is a struggle we all deal with at times,

Regards,
OJW.

R U N N E R S

CATALYST

OUT

FORGE

DARK ROADS

STRAIGHT SHOOTER.

Don’t forget that trusty moral compass, stay that straight shooter you always knew you were…

I’m not from around these parts you see; I’m from the distant specs, I’m from the space dust, from the floating black & white colours that we miss at day and hide from when the day goes away.

I’m from the universe… and guess what?

So are you.

OJW.

COWBOY.

JUST.

WATER.

HANGING.

STRAIGHT SHOOTER.

DIRECTION.

FRIENDS.

SAD.

MOMENTS.

LONG DAYS.

The day is long my friends, although this is not a place for giving in, no… we do not give in here, we only give it our all.

Believe in yourself a little more – you might be surprised by the outcome.

Regards,
O.

 

MASS.

UP.

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.

FAR.

STRUGGLE.

AWAY.

NEEDED.

GOD.

 

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EMOTION.

For most… there isn’t much more dire for us than our emotions, although you have to realise how the balance between acknowledging, accepting and moving on from them is very close to being manipulated and enslaved by them.

In the words of Les Brown “you either use your emotions or they use you”

Some exclusive photographs not posted on my other social media.

Regards,
OJW.

COLOUR WASH

AWAY

SOLO

HERS

MY TOY

SUNSET BANDITS

You should remind yourself, that you too are loved deeply. You may be sad or angry at the world, but you have to remember that we are only here temporarily – time is the only king on earth and the only truly precious commodity we have, yet we give so little to the ones we love the most and so much of us spend it within tasks and elements of matter we disbelieve in. I remember when we went to the museum and we wrote letters to strangers and I picked a letter addressed “to the lonely soul” and I will never forget what I read that day with you and how a letter from a stranger to another moved me; in those moments when you first saw my quiet curiosity, my tenderness and how I almost cried in that exhibit.

The letter goes as follows…

To the lonely soul,

there  is always someone on the earth that cares for you & loves you.

I promise.

 

Warm regards,

The lonely soul.

OPEN

HEART

SLY